24-Hour Helpline
(920) 729-5727
Christine Ann Domestic Abuse Services
P.O. Box 99
Neenah, WI 54957-0099
Phone: (920) 235-5998
Fax: (920) 729-0690
Frequently Asked Questions About Domestic Abuse
What is domestic abuse?
Domestic abuse is a pattern of coercive tactics that are used to gain and maintain power and control in an ongoing, familiar relationship. Generally, several forms of abuse (psychological, emotional, physical, sexual and/or economic) are used in combination.
Why do victims stay with an abuser or return?
Victims of abuse often love or care about the people who harm them. Keeping the family together may be important to victims for the sake of the children or religious and cultural beliefs. Some victims fear they will be seriously hurt or killed if they leave. Others lack the financial resources and/or housing they need to leave. Medical conditions and disabilities also may make living on their own difficult. The victim may be the caregiver for the abuser and therefore reluctant to leave.
Everyone fights sometimes. How can I tell a fight from abuse?
Disagreements occur in most relationships. Sometimes those arguments are loud and people say things that hurt each other's feeling. However, in most relationships, adults say they are sorry and make up. No one gets physically hurt. When there is abuse, one person uses power and control to get what they want out of the relationship. There may or may not be physical abuse, but the threat of harm is present. Abusive individuals rarely take any responsibility for their inappropriate behavior.
Is abuse caused by stress?
No. While stress is commonly used as a rationale for abuse, stress does not cause abuse. Everyone experiences stress, but most stressed people do not hurt others. Most abusers under stress do not hit their bosses or law enforcement officers. They choose victims such as family members who have less power.
What about caregiver stress? Can it cause elder abuse?
Some abusers suggest that their negative behavior is due to caregiver stress and being overwhelmed by the demands of providing care. However, research does not support caregiver stress being a cause of elder abuse. Research indicates that caregiver stress is an excuse used by abusers so they can continue their behavior without consequences.
Does drug and/or alcohol abuse cause the violence and abuse?
No. Many people use drugs and/or alcohol and are never abusive. However, the violence may intensify when abusers are using drugs or alcohol. Sometimes abusers will use drugs and/or alcohol as an excuse for their behavior. Abusers who are addicted to drugs and/or alcohol have two separate problems, abusive behavior and substance abuse. Drug and alcohol treatment programs are designed to help an individual stay sober, not to eliminate the abusive behavior.
Is counseling helpful for victims?
Most victims of abuse are not mentally ill. However, some victims experience depression, post-traumatic stress disorder or other mental health issues because of the abuse. Many victims find counseling, peer support and support groups helpful. Many domestic abuse or rape crisis centers have support groups and counseling available for victims at no charge. These programs also can provide referral information for mental health counselors who are skilled in working with victims of abuse.
Is counseling helpful for abusers?
Abusers are responsible for their own actions. Educational programs done in a group setting have been shown to be the most effective way to help abusers change their behavior. The most effective programs usually last for 26 weeks or more and many of the participants are ordered by the courts to participate. One-on-one counseling and/or counseling the victim and abuser together is not recommended and has proven to be harmful to victims.
What should I do if I see or hear abuse or violence?
If you see or hear someone being physically hurt or threatened with a weapon, call 911. In situations where the threat is not immediate, consider the following options:
- Talk to the victim. Tell them you are concerned for their safety and that you are there to help. Let them know that domestic violence and elder abuse do not stop without some sort of outside intervention.
- Offer to accompany them to speak with an advocate at a domestic violence program or a social worker at an elder abuse agency.
- Be part of their safety plan. A safety plan is created by the victim with the help of a professional. The intent is to plan for a victim's safety needs before another violent episode erupts. If you believe they are in immediate danger, call 911.
What can I do if I think I might be a victim of abuse?
Keep in mind that you are not alone and that help is available. Talk with someone you trust and/or an advocate at a domestic abuse or sexual abuse agency or program. You can call your local hotline and talk with someone without having to give your name or location. These trained professionals can help you identify if abusive behaviors are present and offer you concrete advice on steps you can consider taking.
